I'm going to jail i love you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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