I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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