I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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