just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
