I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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