Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
