your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
