it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
