Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
