Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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