They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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