Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
