Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it's like heaven, but drunker
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
