nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
