he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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