Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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