I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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