Betty ford says i'm here all night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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