One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
