are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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