3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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