yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
