Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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