last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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