A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Did we literally take a cab across the street
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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