and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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