Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
