the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
