I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
