my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
