I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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