I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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