Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
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what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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