Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
