well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
