you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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