Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
