I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
