I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
