How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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