evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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