I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
