just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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