He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
