actually, I'm a sock model
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
