Do you still have your period?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
