i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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