Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
