I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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