I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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