Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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