his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
