I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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