If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
