The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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