She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
