Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
