i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
