Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
