i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
