I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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