Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
