so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
