What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you still have your period?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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