apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
