I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
