AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
