He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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