I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think im going to throw up on grandma
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
