The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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