2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize