my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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