Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
