Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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