I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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