my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
