he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
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Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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