Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
