I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
