"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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