Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
