Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
