The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
what the fuck happened to the tacos
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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