Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
