Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
