how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
