I want to walk on stilts...naked
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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