she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he shaved USA in his pubs
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
