Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
