He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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